The knife

I’ve just spent some time at my folk’s place in coastal Victoria, Australia. It was my annual, seasonal ritual delayed: family (and dogs) converging for ham and plumb pudding in the second week of January. The sun was hot and the March flies (who clearly don’t give a toss about human inventions like the Gregorian Calendar) were hungry for blood.

My parents gave me a knife as a sort of weird family heirloom, given that it was thrown at, and narrowly missed, my grandfather during a post-footy game riot in Melbourne’s Western Suburbs not long after WW2.

Pa was a VFL (aussie rules football) club champion during those years. A quiet family man and boilermaker – not the type to attract would-be knife throwing ninjas, but a prime target for pissed idiots nonetheless.

The knife has an iron cross and some other etchings, suggesting it was made for the German army, most likely the Luftwaffe or so I’ve been told. Anyway, it has the balance of a throwing knife (the chips out of the bone handle suggest it has seen some use).

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My grandparents old house was up for sale, a few doors down from my parent’s place and where my dad and aunt grew up. Apart from a lick of paint, the house and large block of land with the tennis court my Pa built remains unchanged and miraculously undeveloped.

I had a walk through the ‘classic beach shack’ and viewed the realtor’s slick promotional video for the sale, complete with aerial drone footage. I’m not sure what Pa would have made of all that fuss. He was a no-nonsense kinda guy.

Going home always seems to bring back memories.

I had my first alcoholic dream in what feels like an eternity the other night: the full-bore, wake up in a cold sweat, dry mouth, heart palpitations, ‘oh fuck I’ve drank’ panic. In the dream, I was drinking in my old haunt, at the pub down the road from my folk’s place, and got so pissed I couldn’t climb the hill to get home. The road turned into a vertical cliff face before the dream dissolved and the panic of a bust subsided into lingering feelings of remorse and guilt.

During my 20s  and early 30s I used to go to that pub with the intention of having a couple of drinks. Instead, I routinely woke up on various mates’ couches among the empty bottles, ciggie butts and drug paraphernalia – evidence of the previous night’s hedonism. On those mornings, that damn hill felt like a cliff face.

Fortunately, I don’t plan on scaling any cliffs today. Just some hills with the scent of eucalyptus in the air.

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